Down Fall
by thousand-miles
Summary: There was this part of him that wanted to hold her and never let her go. There was another part that was afraid, afraid of the fact that she was the only one who could truly hurt him. Ironically he realized she was the only one who could love him. GSR
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Down fall

**Author:** thousand_miles

**Rating:** K for now

**Disclaimer:** Don't own any of these characters. Just like to play with them.

**Summary:** There was this part of him that wanted to hold her and never let her go. There was another part that was afraid, afraid of the fact that she was the only one who could truly hurt him. Ironically he realized she was the only one who could love him.(GSR)

**Spoilers:** Up until the episode where Sara gets pulled over for DUI and Grissom is called.

A/N: It's been years since I wrote a GSR fic. They were however my first ship I wrote fanfiction for. I enjoyed it so much. But then after several years I lost interest in the show. Lately I started to read GSR fanfic and it made me realize how much I loved the show and how much I loved Grissom and Sara. I'm still trying to get the handle on these characters again so bear with me. I'll always be a ' old school' GSR fan, so S1 to S5 was the time I loved it all so much and those memories are my inspiration for writing. And those memories might also cause for some unintentional errors. Reviews are of course welcome. Constructive criticism also.

**Chapter one**

He watched her as she sat beside him on the passenger seat. He couldn't believe that she'd let it get this far. This wasn't like her. She didn't do things like this. What was going on with her? She was looking at her hands in her lap, making her hair fall in front of her face. He wanted to reach out and put her hair behind her ear and make her look at him. If he let himself he could look at her for hours. He shook his head. Sara, she caused such a mix of emotions inside of him. There was this part of him that wanted to hold her and never let her go. There was another part that was afraid, afraid of the fact that she was the only one who could truly hurt him. Ironically he realized she was the only one who could love him. He tried hard to deny the latter. He sometimes tried so hard that he hurt her in the process. It wasn't his goal in live to pull her in and then push her away, hurting her like it didn't matter. He didn't want that, but seemed to be unable to stop himself. Or maybe it seemed the only safe option, because loving her would mean losing himself.

He parked the car at her apartment complex. She was out it before he knew it. Quickly he followed her to her apartment. He was going to make sure she would be safe at home.

Hearing his footsteps behind her, she wondered why he was following her. It was embarrassing enough that he was the one they'd called. That he'd come to pick her up. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? Why was he always the one there when she was on her lowest point? She shook her head. Probably because nine out of ten times he was the cause. The man had this strange hold on her and she let him. That was probably the worst of it. She let him.

She opened the door of her apartment and sighed. She was tired, drained and had never felt so lost before.

" Sara..." He took a step towards her, blocking the closing door.

" No, just go. Please." She softly said, walking towards her couch. God she was tired. These last couple of months seemed to have drained every ounce of energy she had She'd been questioning everything lately. Her job, her life, being in Vegas, her love for Grissom. Getting away from him would mean getting away from all the turmoil. She didn't want the pain anymore. Didn't want the reminder every day. Something had to change. She couldn't do this any longer.

Standing inside her apartment he didn't know what to do. He didn't want to go, didn't want to leave her like this. She looked so lost. He wanted to help her, guide her way back…to him. He doubted she let him, but this time he wasn't going to give up easily. "I'm not going anywhere."

Ignoring him she walked to her fridge and opened it, grabbing a beer.

" What do you think you're doing?"

" Getting a drink."

" Why?"

" Because I want a drink!"

" I don't think that's a good idea."

" I don't care!" She twisted the cap, threw it in the bin and walked away from him again.

Following her he grabbed the bottle from her hand. He wanted to grab her and yell at her. Shake some sense into her. But he knew in her current frame of mind she wanted his anger. It was easier to deal with for her. But he wasn't going to give her the easy way out. He wanted to get to the bottom of this.

As she let herself fall down on her couch again, Grissom sat down on the coffee table, facing her. " Sara, why are you doing this to yourself? What does drinking give you?" He asked her softly.

She shrugged. She didn't want to tell him that the alcohol helped her escape, helped her lessen the pain.

" Sara." He tried again, hoping she would answer. He tilted his head, hoping he could look in her eyes, but she turned her head away from him. " I'm not leaving until we talk about this. You can't go on like this. You simply can't."

" Says who? " Walking to her bedroom she left him alone in her sitting room.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and thanks for the story alerts people used for this one. It made my day. I'm glad you like it. I hadn't expected it because I'm still struggling with getting back into that groove. Your reviews made me want to write more and make sure the update wouldn't take too long. Surprisingly this is where the chapter took me. It's not very exciting. Mostly thoughts. Hope you don't get bored. It felt that this had to be written to get on with the story. But this chapter did surprise me so it has now left me with the big question of how to continue. I have to think about that one. And I'm back to work so the next update won't be as soon as this one. Hopefully next weekend. Reviews and constructive criticism are welcome. **

**Chapter two**

At first he hadn't known what to do now with Sara in her bedroom. It didn't feel right to follow her in there. Although he couldn't deny he'd thought of being in her bedroom. He'd even dreamt about it, but it had never been in these circumstances. After a while he'd decided to look around her apartment. First he'd gone to the fridge, wanting to know how much liquor would be in there. Fearing the worst he saw only two beer bottles. Without thinking he emptied them, not wanting her to be tempted anymore. He was going to deal with her and her problems and he was going to make sure she wouldn't fall back.

Her apartment was like he'd thought it would be. It was functional, neat and warm and felt like home. There were some flowers on her dining room table. He also spotted a few forensics magazines on the table. Looking closer he saw one he hadn't read yet. He grabbed it, guessing there'd be more than enough time to read it. He looked at her books and non-surprisingly he saw a lot of books he owned too. He decided to settle down on her couch and read the magazine he'd just found.

She'd been in her bedroom for quite some time now. While reading her book she'd listened closely for the sound of a door closing. So far she hadn't heard anything and she could only conclude that Grissom was still in her apartment. She wondered what he was doing. There really was only one way to find out and beside she couldn't stay in her bedroom forever. And it was her apartment Grissom wasn't going to make her feel like a prisoner in her own home.

Her time in her bedroom had given her some time to calm down. She wasn't angry with him anymore. Deep down she knew he was right. She couldn't do this any longer. She couldn't keep avoiding dealing with her problems any more. At least not like this. Dealing with her problems also meant dealing with him. And every time she tried to deal with him, one way or another, he shot her down hard. Sometimes she felt she had to wear a Kevlar vest because it would lessen the impact of his words. It wouldn't keep the pain away, but the initial pain would be less. Since she didn't have a Kevlar vest at home, she would have to go in without any protection.

Softly she walked back into her apartment. In her kitchen she saw the two empty beer bottles. It was probably for the best, though she didn't quite know what to think about his action. From her kitchen she walked into her living room. Not seeing him she thought he might have left. As she walked closer to her couch she saw him. He'd fallen asleep while reading one of her forensics magazines. A smile appeared on her face at the sight. She'd thought about Grissom asleep in her apartment, but it was never under these circumstances. She sighed. What to do now? She didn't feel like leaving her own apartment, but then again she didn't want to stay here with a sleeping Gil Grissom. And so she left Grissom alone in her apartment.

With a load groan Grissom woke up. Rolling his neck softly from left to right he felt the ache from the uncomfortable position beginning to fade. For a fleeting moment he didn't know where he was, but he quickly remembered he was at Sara's apartment and why he was there. He called out her name but didn't get a response. Standing up he looked around. The door to her bedroom was open which led him to conclude that she wasn't in her bedroom any longer. That didn't leave many other options. Since she wasn't in the living room that left the kitchen. Not finding her there he realized she'd left. He shouldn't have fallen asleep. Now he let her run away from him and he doubted there'd be any chance to talk to her. He didn't quite know what to do now. Stay at her apartment or go home? He wasn't going to drive around Las Vegas trying to find her. That would be pointless. He could stay at her apartment and wait but being alone in her apartment felt too much of an intrusion. So he left but not without leaving a note.

Sara hadn't gone too far away from her apartment. She was at the park, sitting on one of the benches. She couldn't believe she'd let it go this far. This wasn't like her. She thought about the man who still had a hold on her heart. She didn't understand why she couldn't get over him. He'd hurt her enough in the past, but he was always able to pull her back in. Mostly, because she let him. She thought of herself as a strong independent woman. Yet when it came to him, she felt she was neither. She should have ignored her feelings, ignored her heart and listened to her mind. But when it came down to it, she followed her heart, which told her to hang in there and so she did. She realized that her need to hang in there had caused her to lose a part of herself. She was angry with herself she'd let it get that far. It was time to take control again.

TBC...


End file.
